Absolut Randomness

dear momma

dear momma,

its been one entire month since you left this earth & it still doesn’t feel real. i still get the urge to pick up the phone & call to check on you. i still feel like i should call someone to pick me up & take me to visit you in the hospital. ive never felt so lost in my life. things are okay though i guess. i just have this big empty space in my heart where our everyday conversations, your touch, your smile, your laugh, & your jokes use to be. i try to keep my head up though. ive been to church twice…its so awkward without you. you normally sitting beside me testing my musical knowledge asking me what the song was before the choir started singing it or laughing at something silly i had said. the church is much quieter to me now…no longer hearing your hallelujah praise. we talk about you all the time. mainly about what we think youre doing up there. we miss you momma…i miss you momma. v.o.d. did you justice as well. i know you hate you missed it…there is no one that can sing talk it over with Jesus like you! & they never will! i remember your last day awake. you made me laugh soooo many times. i hate i left you looking back on it. i just didnt want your breath to be taken in my presence…it was my fear the entire time. im sure you can understand it now. i just really hated seeing you like that. it hurt my heart. you were always soo vibrant through it all! i only hope i can be just as strong as you! i love you!

rest in peace

your baby girl

Thu, Mar. 01, 2012 →

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"tomorrow is NOT promised, so live for TODAY & FORGET about YESTERDAY !"

Fri, Feb. 17, 2012 →

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dear momma

its been a whole week since you left this world & it still doesn’t seem real. before i go any further i gotta say i love you. i’ve had sooooo much free time to sit & think on the good times & the bad times we shared. luckily the good out weigh the bad! i remember the time i called that science teacher a dike. i was sooo scared to tell you cause i just knew you were going to beat my behind! i came in your room boohoo’n expecting the beating of a lifetime & you know what you did ? you laughed & it confused me soooo much! you took me to school the next day & talked with the teacher. i was still afraid lol. i remember when i told you i was on homecoming court. matter fact i think that was the last football game you came to. sure made me feel special. supported me in everything i did. we had the ideal mother-daughter relationship. you were the only person i could truly confide in! i told you all my secrets. i’d come home from school & tell you about my day. i’d randomly call you just to hear your voice. now i wish i would have recorded our conversations or saved your messages. all i have is your song on my laptop, countless memories, & endless pictures but they have nothing on the actual moments with you. i miss you momma…i miss you A LOT! i still don’t know how to move on. you are everything to me! it hadn’t gotten easier but i know you didn’t raise me to be a wimp about things. i just wish i had you to point me in the right direction like you always do. tell me what i need to hear even though its the farthest thing from my wishlist. lol. in you i knew i had a best friend. somebody guaranteed to laugh at my corniest jokes, compliment my outfits, boost my ego, and congratulate my efforts. i just hope your proud of my past & present and will be proud of my future.

rest in peace.

with all my love,

your baby girl

Thu, Feb. 02, 2012 →

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